Harry and Siggy Flicker talk to new couple Sam, 32, and Jennifer, 29, about their shaky relationship. Sam and Jennifer have been together, on and off, for 8 months. Jennifer wants a serious commitment from Sam, but she says that he has been hesitant about it. She thinks he’s seeing someone else because he’s appeared in the background of a party picture on Facebook when he said he was busy at work. Jennifer wants to know, how can she get Sam to take their relationship seriously?
Siggy Flicker: Sam, do you want to be in a relationship with Jennifer?
Sam: Yes, I love her. But, in the past I’ve usually been the one to put the boyfriend-and-girlfriend label on things, and it hasn’t worked out.
Harry: Sam, it sounds like something in the past really traumatized you. What happened in a past relationship that’s made you so resistant to labels? What caused the relationship to end?
Sam: I was engaged to my last girlfriend and we broke it off. We just grew apart. We met when we were young and stupid and the reality of life set in and I think that scared her. She fell out of love with me.
Siggy: Sam, you fear being rejected again like you were by your fiance. You think history will repeat itself. So you’re not giving Jennifer a fair chance of having all of you because you’re living in the past.
Harry: Your last relationship ended two years ago. Sam, that’s a long time to still be stuck on a past relationship. Jennifer sounds like she’s really into this relationship. She’s really aggressive about making this work. It’s your lack of trust that’s breaking her heart.
Siggy: Sam, I think you need to take the risk. There are so many people out there who can’t find love. You have a woman who loves you and wants to give you all of herself, so take the leap. Dedicate one day a week to date night. Go out to dinner. See how much that improves your relationship.
Harry thinks that Sam and Jennifer’s sex life could also use some improvement. They have sex every other day at best and Sam wishes they had sex every day. They’re not communicating with each other enough about their sexual needs. Jennifer says she’s an aggressive personality outside of the bedroom, so she’d like to be less aggressive in the bedroom. She wants Sam to take some control of their sexual interactions.
According to Siggy Flicker and Harry, there are three things that Sam and Jennifer can do to improve their relationship.
1) Talk openly about their fears of commitment so that they can get past them.
2) Set up a regular date night to improve their connection.
3) Have sex every day and learn what the other person wants in bed.
Listen to the call: