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‘Is porn destroying our love life?’

‘Is porn destroying our love life?’

Yesterday, Shannon found some porn on her boyfriend Justin’s computer. He doesn’t see what the big deal is, but Shannon has a huge issue with this. They haven’t had sex in a little while, and now that she’s found porn on his computer, Shannon is wondering if this might have something to do with their recent lack of intimacy. Should Justin give up looking at porn?

My Advice:

Justin, do you know how you can tell if you’re looking at too much porn? When it starts affecting your relationship. I’d say that’s the case here. You guys are only having sex twice a month, but you’re masturbating at least once a day. So, this habit of yours is sending a bad message to your girlfriend: “I’d rather be watching porn then having sex with you.”

Porn is an epidemic in this country, and a lot of men would rather masturbate to pornography, then bother going through the work of emotionally connecting with a real woman. But, in reality, men also crave emotional connections with their partners and, ironically, excess use of pornography can erode those connections.

You two need to establish a schedule around when you’d like to have sex. You can start by picking two days a week that are set aside just for intimacy, and not for porn. Make sure you really plug into what each of you wants in bed. Shannon, I’m sure you have certain fantasies you’d like Justin to project onto you. You two can explore these fantasies yourselves without indulging in porn. If you want Justin to make you dinner, he should do this. If you want foreplay, I’m sure he’ll accommodate this too. Justin, if you want Shannon to dress a certain way, make sure she knows this.

Having a great sex life is all about communication. If you’re too busy watching porn to communicate with your partner, then you’re never going to be able to experience great sex with one another.

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