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‘My husband has a very small penis. Is there any way for me to have pleasure during sex?’

‘My husband has a very small penis. Is there any way for me to have pleasure during sex?’

Vanessa’s been married now for two years, and hasn’t been able to enjoy sex with her husband this whole time because, she says, his penis, even when erect, is only about 3 inches long. She’s happy with their marriage otherwise, but is finding her lack of fun in the bedroom increasingly frustrating. Is there anything she can do to enjoy having sex with a husband who has a small penis?

My Advice:

Vanessa, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you. Not only are you not having an orgasm during sex, but I understand you’re also trying to have a baby, and this isn’t making that process any easier for you.

First, let me set the record straight about penis length. Scientific studies of the size of erect penises consistently show that the average erection is a little more than 5 inches long. Of course, some guys are longer and some shorter. On the long end of things, erect penises longer than about 8 inches long are extremely rare. And, on the shorter end of things, a guy is still considered normal if his erect penis is at least 3 inches long — which means your husband is on the lowest side of normal, but, still, normal.

The other thing to consider here is that old saying, “It’s not the size of the instrument, it’s the way you play the tune.” Most women do not — I repeat—do not achieve an orgasm through penile penetration alone. I’m not saying size doesn’t matter at all, I’m just saying that there’s no reason your husband can’t give you plenty of pleasure—you both just need to experiment with different ways to approach foreplay and love making.

Before you get to that point, however, you need to both talk openly about this issue. Yes, it may be embarrassing at first, but, believe me, it’s the only way to make progress.

Having that tough conversation with your husband is not only important, it could be the only way you’re going to be able to save your marriage. Like I always say: the answer to any emotional problem is communication, communication, and more communication.

So, let’s get started. Firstly, make sure you know exactly what you want to communicate with him before you get started. Men need to hear your desires in very concrete terms, or chances are, they’re not going to know what they need to do to help you.

Next, write down two or three items you’d like him to change and two or three items you love about him. This way you’re being completely honest about what needs to change in the relationship, while also relating what you’re happy about. If you want to use a toy for stimulation, communicate this with him, and I’m sure he’ll oblige as he wants you to be happy too. This isn’t easy, but with direct and honest communication, you two can get past this and continue to grow as partners.

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