Tommy lost his job about four months ago, and since then has been having trouble maintaining an erection during sex. He doesn’t have this issue when masturbating, so Tommy isn’t sure why he’s having this much trouble. He’s wondering what he can do to feel confident in bed again.
Tommy, it sounds like you’re going through a very stressful period in your life right now. You lost your job recently, and now your girlfriend is the primary breadwinner in your household. This can be a blow to a man’s ego.
It sounds to me like you may be masturbating, in part, as a release or escape from the stresses and feelings surrounding your job loss and subsequent role-reversal. That’s pretty normal, but it’s not dealing with these issues directly. While self-stimulation releases endorphins that temporarily ease pain and elevate mood, it can also act as a drug distracting you from focusing on what you need to be doing right now to improve your situation.
The problem with frequent masturbation is that you can get so used to the feeling and pacing of self-stimulation that you don’t know how to achieve pleasure from someone else’s touch.
So how do you know if you’re self-stimulating too much? People ask me this all the time, and the answer is simple. You know you’re masturbating too much if it’s affecting your relationship. In your case, I think that’s exactly what’s going on. Things have gotten to the point where you really need to choose between having a relationship with the woman you love or having a relationship with your hand.
This is a very common problem in men, especially when they are going through rough times. Of course, going a little overboard on masturbation is better than abusing alcohol or drugs—but, still, you can be unwittingly damaging your relationship. Tommy, you’ll get another job eventually, but in the meantime, focus on the woman who loves you. All these issues should be discussed openly so that you two can walk down this road together. Speaking about this honestly with her and deciding if you should look into medication to treat erectile dysfunction will directly confront what’s holding back your sex life, and you and your partner can move forward together with what both of you decide is best.
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