Tom says that after 30 years of marriage his wife, Elizabeth, is acting differently in the bedroom and it’s scaring him. He’s worried she might be cheating on him and is looking to get out of this relationship. For her part, Elizabeth says she’s just trying to make Tom happy. She says that with the kids grown up she’d like to have more fun and go out more often. She’d also like to try new things in bed and just let go and have some fun, like when they were first married.
Tom, it sounds to me that you’re not feeling very secure in your relationship with Elizabeth. The way you’ve enjoyed sex in your relationship for years now, is suddenly not good enough for your wife anymore. You don’t understand where this could be coming from, so of course you’re taking it personally as if you did something wrong.
But if you listen to your wife, you’ll understand that this isn’t what she’s telling you. I would actually say that you’re very fortunate that your wife wants to connect with you again physically. It’s not unreasonable at all to try and spice up a sex life. This is completely normal, and happens a lot in women especially as they get older and their hormone levels change.
Elizabeth, you need to explain to Tom what you’re looking for in the bedroom. You may be worried you’re not as desirable to Tom anymore, but he needs to hear this from you directly. If you want to try out different positions in the bedroom, then let him know what you’re thinking and figure out a sexual style that you’re both comfortable with. Maintaining a healthy sex life is very important in any good relationship, so don’t be scared of trying new things that keep you two having fun in bed. Try having sex a couple times a week, and, like Elizabeth suggests, just have some fun with it. I guarantee you’ll both be happier.
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