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‘Are we ready to get married?’

‘Are we ready to get married?’

Stacey says she and Jared have been together now for over three years and she’d like to get married, but Jared keeps putting roadblocks in the way. She’s working part-time right now while she goes to school, and thinks that if she and Jared really love each other, they could get through this period in their lives.  She’s worried that Jared is using money as an excuse and that the real issue is that he doesn’t want to be with her.


Jared says he does want to be with her and that money really is the issue.  He says Stacey has been going to school for the past eight years and spends her money on clothes.  He wants her to give up school and get a full-time job so they can save money before they get married.  He doesn’t understand what’s wrong with that.

My Advice:

Well, you two are at completely opposite ends of the football field! I’ll tell you right now, Jared is not ready to get married. But I gotta say, Jared, your tone and what you’re saying are very disrespectful to Stacey.  That’s no way to treat the woman you love. You sound very angry.

There’s one thing that makes men angrier than anything else, and that’s forcing them to have kids. It doesn’t sound to me like Jared is ready. But let me tell you what I’ve learned as a fertility doctor over the last twenty years.  Women want to have kids yesterday. They need to have kids like we need to go see the football game.

So Jared, this may be the real problem that you’re lashing out. Given this need of hers, she’s doing the best she can. I’m sure she doesn’t want to be a waitress, but she’s trying to get your nest egg together to prepare herself for the future.

I’ve learned the hard way that there’s a cost involved if you say no to a woman who wants a child. So if this is something you don’t want to experience with Stacey, you need to say it now and decide whether or not your relationship is meant to survive.


Jared: Stacey, you know, I’ve wanted to propose to you, but just didn’t think I had the money to do it right.


Harry: If you truly love Stacey, then you need to propose to Stacey right now.


Jared: Stacey Gallagher, will you marry me and spend the rest of our lives together?


Stacey: You know I will.


Jared: I know we don’t have much, but I have the ring in the house, and was just waiting for the right moment.


Stacey (crying): Thank you, I love you.

Harry: Amazing…you two were fighting like cats and dogs a minute ago, and now you’re ready to get married.  I’d say that’s a lot like real life!  Jared, just remember, communication is critical. You two can’t argue all the time. Arguing like this is too negative, and will make things very difficult. Just listen to what she wants, and you two will be okay. And when the time is right to have children, you’ll be ready to raise them together.

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